Choice. Start to Walk.

One. Two. Sometimes it could also be three, or four. Countless perhaps? These are the number of choices we have in life. When we have eliminated these choices and lower it down to two, it would be the toughest.

A college course. I have thought of it but I always look back and doubt if ever I will be satisfied of my school, life and job. Frankly, I do not really like Nursing – but I think I can do it. I have some interest, but imagining the possible situations, I could go on and doubt myself if I can or cannot do it. My parents told me to think it over and choose another course.

If not nursing, I would probably be in Mass Communication or Psychology. 
Why didn’t I chose those instead? I have some interest in those, but I do not feel like taking them. I feel that if I go to a course that interest me, though it will really drive me while I am studying, I fear that I may lose interest. Looking at myself, I am not really a person who holds on to a drive or someone who is easily inspired. I am also lazy and I often get pissed when I do crappy works. I am still in the process of managing my patience skills in terms of writing stories or essays. Also, I do not want to just sit there and do research. Well yes there is some probability that I will do documentaries, but only the top students who are driven enough, encouraged enough will be able to surpass all people who took the same course as them .

Come on people, face it – one can be so hopeful enough and one can also dream – but the competition and the demand is not that high. And who says that I will stop from writing ? If I can not enter a course that will let me write, it would not stop me – I think I do not need that lessons anymore – what I need is to go out, travel, discover life, live it and then write about it.

I think I will not stress myself to push my imagination or research skills to the limit just to pass college. I think I will just go to something new, something that will let me see more than what those writing courses can offer.

I do not feel nursing. I don’t care about nursing. In fact I don’t even like the look of the school I will be going into. I do not expect a friendly person to approach me the first day. It may be the worst first day of school  in my life – and it can even extend to be worst 4 years of my life. However, it is a practical choice. I can earn money. Well maybe people will think nursing as a job to be dedicated and you know, a job that someone shall not think of getting money but something to help others. Okay – now insert a lot of hypocrites here. I need to live okay, and this is my strategy in this game. There may be mini games in it where all of my lessons would be set aside and the only thing left for me is to think about a choice, as a person.

I do not know what I am passionate in. But I do like a lot of things. But I guess it doesn’t make any difference to be passionate at one thing and like a lot of things. Why nag?

But this thinking will not stop me forever.
I am writing this down because — I never thought that TOMORROW is my freaking enrollment. That is why I am thinking about it.

I will be going in a nursing school.

I will find my purpose later on — or find the meaning later on.
Now I just need to take a step and start to walk.

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